Have you noticed (I’m sure you have), that some people are endowed with a sense of entitlement, (sometimes based on privilege). And then there are others who also feel entitled, but theirs is rooted in lack of privilege. They feel they’re owed something in life because they’ve missed out, (and they’re probably right).
Then there are the Cinderella people, who don’t feel entitled at all. And that’s our problem. When people are kind to us, we don’t know how to receive it, and we thank profusely because they’ve done us a favour, which we don’t deserve. But when people are horrible, it’s no surprise, because our expectations of what we’re due are...
If you've looked at my website, you will understand a little bit about my approach as a counsellor. One of the counselling tools I use, is to help people identify their defensive behaviour (defensive behaviour = the way we mask our emotional wounds). Why do I help people do this? What's the point? The point is, so we recognise when our wounding has been triggered. And the point of this (hopefully), is so we can begin the journey of healing and change.
We recognise our wounding when we're over-reacting. Our reactive behaviour is not who we are. It's the behaviour of the unhealed self.